rock n roll is war

so it's july and the last couple of days my eyes have been tracing the contents of "best of 2009 so far" music lists. as a fan of music, i've got my own list and it's certainly quite different from the ones i've read. as a musician in a band, you certainly want to see your band on one of those lists. you want to see your band on any kind of list, with the exception of "worst album/show/band of..." lord knows i actually saw one of my old bands on a similar list and it was titled "worst richmond (va) bands ever." brutal. we were sloppy but i never thought we were that bad. i thought the sloppiness paid off because we were a pretty noisy band...that was our jam.

but in the end, what do journalists know? they are just writers. and what do musicians know about journalism? we're just people with vices who have stumbled upon instruments. most of us don't use correct grammar. i went to school for journalism and i still don't know what the fuck is happening on either side of the coin. this all leads me to something i feel both sides can understand.

rock n roll is war.

whether you're in a band or you just write about them. this is 100% true and it will be until the end of time.

sure, if you want to speak of old cliches then rock n' roll is about having a good time. maybe drugs, sex if you're lucky, teenage rebellion, janis joplin, david yow, iggy pop...it's not elvis. fuck that guy. he's definitely not the "king of rock n' roll".

but it's really about war. it's about fighting on the same side with a couple of people, trying to get past obstacles that keep you from reaching your goal. a broken down van while on tour. sound/gear problems during a set. an apathetic crowd. stupid journalists that won't give you press when you send them like 40 copies of your album. rumors. personal conflict. fatigue. addiction. infighting. other bands who you feel aren't as deserving as you. shitty booking agents. crappy billings. egodriven club promoters. name dropping hipsters. hecklers. hanger-ons. the outside/real world. superlame bloggers. whatever.

these are all things that are going to bring you down. but you fight because at one point in your young life, you realized this is all you can do or it's all you'd like to do. maybe it's both. the euphoria you get from living.breathing.music. is worth all the other bullshit that you have to deal with.

so when you're in a band and you feel that you've put on something worthy of someone's top ten of whatever list and your name isn't there...you wonder what you have to do to get your name on there, regardless of whose list it may be. and at first you might blame them, but if you're smart you internalize your resentment and come out shooting. you play more passionately. you think about songwriting so much that you almost daydream your way through the process. you figure out ways how to make your presence known. you battle because you want blood. you want people to feel the sacrafice in that cymbal crash. they need to feel the same ache that you feel in your bloody whittled down fingers because you've dropped your pick so many times during shows over the years. and you laugh at those who stand there with their arms crossed, beer in one hand with a gaze that says "i don't understand it."

fuck them. the spectators don't see the bodies around them. so many good bands that folks should've heard but never did. every bar you play those ghosts are there and they are waiting for you to come join them.

fuck them. you exorcise any doubt you may have and keep fighting. rock n' roll is war.

-pdb