How the movie SLC Punk predicted my inevtiable attachment to my blackberry phone

"I didn't sellout son, I bought in."

Judge me if you wish, but SLC Punk is one of those movies that never gets old to me. It's like Slapshot for hockey fans, only it's music...but it's not about music at all. It's an exercise in social science but even that is far too scholastic for a movie that has more in common with Can't Hardly Wait than it does Waking Life. Honestly, I just made the aforementioned comparisons to fill up space, I don't know what I'm talking about. Is Waking Life even a movie? I probably just made it up.

But what I do know is that when I was running the other day I thought of some of the funnier moments in SLC Punk and how people grow out of certain aspects of their lives, no matter what kind of people/lifestyle we are talking about. And as the title of the blog indicates, I am the new owner of a Blackberry Curve. I didn't plan on becoming one of you (and by you I literally mean you, because you probably have a blackberry or iphone or fancyphone) but thanks to my clumsiness...the process is complete.

Me and my old phone had been through a lot. I dropped her at least 20291 times, she dropped my call maybe a dozen times. I spilled coffee on her. She did nothing. I got gum in her crevices. Once again, no complaints. Then I drop her casually and suddenly it's time for a dreadful visit to the Verizon store. The cellphone store is the retail equivalent of getting a broom shoved up your ass against your will for at least an hour.

When I entered the store, I just wanted to get an identical replacement for my phone. I ended up talking to two dudes who somehow convinced me that this was impossible. My old phone no longer existed. They made me feel old-timey. It was like my phone was the first phone invented by Alexander Graham Bell. Suddenly my surroundings became black and white, everyone had funny moustaches and top hats..I even saw a few monocles.... And at the end of this imaginary time travel I was left with two choices...Blackberry Storm/Curve. No other options. It wasn't until yesterday I remebered these snakes work on commission. I'm a genius. I owned the first phone remember...

And at first I pretended to putz around with my Blackberry. I'd shake it like a piggy bank to see if it were turned on. I faux complained to my mom that I didn't know how to dial her number and that though I am the fruit of her loins, our relationship would be reduced strictly to texting. I even threw it at the wall because the phone started talking to me without being prompted...'Please say a command' I thought there were spirits in my phone. But now me and my Blackberry have formed a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship. It feels so good in my hands. I can have newsfeeds delivered to my phone. The Curve camera isn't half bad. When I lick my phone, it tastes just like blackberries...freshly picked. I am applying for a marriage license next week. I'll be marrying my phone.

So maybe Steven's dad in SLC Punk was right. Maybe you don't always sellout, (read: eschew old habits for supposed greener pastures) sometimes you buy in. (read: put yourself into an undesirable situation and the only way out is numbing obliviousness, a faked indifference to the decision making process)

Check it out, I just made buying a cellphone deep. Your mind is blown. You're thinking "OMG. I go through life just kinda making decisions just to make it to the weekend/(insert whatever short-sighted or long-term pleasure here)." And sometimes it pays off, other times you pray you won't remember your error a year from the moment you were faced with your decision. I have just accurately defined your life in a blog post.

I know what it's like to be you because I am you. I'm the owner of a Blackberry.

-pdb

(ps. i can't find my SLC Punk DVD so if I lent it out to you waybackwhen..holla at me.)